Ish-ish-ish.


*slaps forehead*



Seeeeeeeea-shell!!!

I want to run away.


Too. Friggin'. Many. Things.

I want to drown.

I miss you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you and you.


My heart can no longer feel.

Beyond tired, and I haven't even started work.


Sometimes you don't know until.

So the church that I go to happens to be a Presbyterian one.

So what?

Do I hold on to all that the Presbyterian church believes and/or practises? Maybe. Maybe not.

I just don't want people to think that. I believe in the teachings of Yesus Kristus.

I wish. I wish the denomination of the church I attend would not affect my identity. As long as it does, I will resist it. Well, kinda.


But in all seriousness, it really happens to be a Presbyterian one. I'd seek refuge in a Lutheran / Methodist / Brethren / Pentecostal / Roman Catholic(?) / Orthodox(?) church if so be it.

(Thoughts triggered by stuff.)

to this dinda, mainly, but also to the other dinda and the other one, too:

Phewey, I see so much of myself in you, 'tis quite freaky, ahaha.

I hope you don't become permanently disiullsioned w.r.t. the local fellowship, in particular and in general. Go somewhere else, regain the true(r) understanding of how it is, if you must. But don't let go of G_d -- which I doubt you will.

Oh, I wish I could stay in Island longer, to see you grow to be the fine man I know you will be. I feel like Anne Shir-ley when she looks at Paul. Heh. I wish I could watch you explore and stand at the edge and wonder why you are there, possibly not by your choice, but because it is as such.

So much that I'd like to cerita, to encourage you (and embolden you!) to keep digging and excavating, to challenge and to provoke ... Stand for the truth, m'dear, and nothing else. Hold fast to convictions and principles which you have thought through and base your life upon G_d and His Word.

Y'know, G_d is wunnerful. Since I knew you existed (when you shared in the local fellowship about your trip to c----), I've been wanting to talk to you, to find out what lies upon your heart -- I was curious about you. And little did I know that we'd end up in the same group. Haha, talk about G_d's hand.

Sometimes, dinda, it's worth the fight. People will perceive some stuff as inconsequential, but there are always underlying principles, which, as impossible as iit may sound, must not be compromised. What a person does and say mirrors and reflects more than one thing. Look around and think.

I wonder if you'd be interested in that funny two-week thingy I attended a few years back. It's funny because no one is the same pre- and post- (unless they don't think / understand what's happening), and it's plain, glorious fun. I hope you find questions to your questions and struggle with your struggles there (it's like accelerated learning, almost). But most of all, I hope you will find community.

But in everything, live for God, and no one else. I'm still trying to live that truth. The truth must be etched on your heart so that when you live, you live wholly. Live a life abandoned to God -- totally.

This girl will cheer you in on, mostly in prayer, heh.

Was talking to b abt change.

Watched my-fair-la-dy last night, while studying, then trudged of to church (and survived church), before heading back to tidor like a log ("balak" sounds wrong, hm).




I think I'm gonna go back and sleep.

Whirl me across the tiles
that spin a myriad of
loops and twirls.

Love them, caress them--
fragments of my soul
lie within these pages.



p/s to seashell: ju-no boleh dilayani di internet.