Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta.

She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita.


=

Gosh, the opening lines. *melts*

Was talking to Sg guy friend last night about work, travel, family and -- he was telling me how people in Sg chalk up debts because of their wedding.

Reaction then: WHAT?!?!

Reaction now: WHAT?!?!


Call me stubborn, but I will not get into debt because of some silly wedding. Good grief. As I told him, I'd rather save up that money to buy a house.

Yes, buy house = good. Expensive wedding = bad.

The wedding is the beginning. Why start with a huge loan to pay off?

So just now, while hanging out laundry, I was thinking of various ways to limit expenditure.

As I'm typing this, though, I can only remember one thing: Sell off wedding / engagement ring. Muahaha.

Alright, I shan't be that nasty.

But oh, boy.


*Disclaimer: I am risk-averse, and greatly debt-averse -- unless it's for stuff that will appreciate, e.g. property. Not even car, because value becomes zilch the moment you purchase it. And most of all, I'm happy to graduate (somewhat) debt-free.

I wonder if this time things will be better.
Maybe this time the ice will finally be broken.
Maybe.

On way back from church last night, the hymn we sung, "Take My Heart" played in my mind, and I remembered the first time I heard it -- nearly cried. Because ultimately, desire of my desires, is to serve G_d with my whole being, with all I am.

And then G_d (or, rather, Roh Kudus) asked if I would give up family for Him. Not family as in my parents and siblings, but family as in husband and kids.

I was stunned. And still am quite bengang.

Since starting on (new) devo, topic discussed is about vision and vision dying and God resurrecting vision ... and ...

Tak tahulah. Which I told G_d, too.

But this has also shown me how a G_d-given desire / natural, good thing can turn me into such a selfish creature. Or, how I am so selfish.

I still have that image in my mind, the one with the he-person in it. With our kids. And together with the recent (at least in the last year) longing to have a family, 'tis hard to understand why, or how, or any such thing.

Anyway. Point being that ...

Point being that this vision of family must die. I am afraid -- in this sense -- to die. (Which is odd, considering I've long believed in the goodness of [physical] death.)

G_d, please help me die.


p/s: I finished lo-li-ta. I need to learn french!

I've too many godly, single guy friends--who are available.

Oi!

How do all these things fit?

- marriage + kids (family)
- graduate/Bible school
- m'sia
- work
- missions

I have no idea how they're going to fit. Which comes first?

Can I handle, say, family + grad/Bible school?

Will I ever get married? (*winks at seashell*)

Which area of missions?

What to do in grad school--or go straight to Bible school?*


La-la-la.

Random thoughts while studying. I mean, attempting to study. Uh, successfully. Yes, I can vouch for that here.



*Semi-important, in some sense. Mainly because it may affect my (undergrad) thesis, and the (linguistics) courses I'll be taking. Need to talk to prof about latter. And oh, must figure out economics minor (note to self).


=

Things to do after Apr 23:

- cv + cover letter. send to cf alumnus and that other christian centre.
- finish reading lolita
- start packing up this sem's work
- iron clothes
- watch northanger abbey (have i watched it?), persuasion, and jewel in the palace
- watch juno, amazing grace, bella, and other good stuff
- commit more scripture to memory
- eat better
- run around school
- sleep better
- study and ace linguistics exam (yes! *punches fist in air*)

Ah, Jack Johnson. *smiles*


Other:

Living the insane life of study-sleep-eat-study-sleep-eat-study-sleep-eat-study.

No time to sleep.
No time to make money.
"No money no honey."

La-la-la.


Other:

S-e-x is supposed to stay inside the bedroom, away from the camera, away from the writer.

Ugh. >_<

Pilih jawapan yang paling tepat.

My ________ said 'tis a good book.

A) pastor-friend

B) elder-friend

C) uncle-friend

D) friend


Apa macam? >_<

I don't want many things. I just want ...

- a thriving community of Yesus' followers
- a he-person to walk this journey together
- a family with said he-person


Simple, kan?

Fascinating, how you make me happy, yet I wish you were still chillin' with King Neptune.

Seashell!

I can't wait to balik. We shall hibernate [edit: vegetate, that is] and drink pots and pots of tea and speculate and ... and ... ;) Okay-dokes?